The Shape I am in

Upon meeting an acquaintance, I usually say,” how are you doing?” They respond, “Fine. How are you doing?” The other day, an old acquaintance asked me how I was doing. I usually reply, “Fine”, regardless of how I feel. This time, I thought I ought to be a little more truthful, so I replied, “Just fine for the shape I am in.” Later I got to thinking about what shape I was in.

What I found out was- I am nearly 77 years old, and I am up walking, breathing on my own, sleeping good at night, able to do a reasonable amount of work, eating 3 regular meals a day, never miss church, still able and like to preach and teach, was able to build a cedar chest for Meg, have 20-20 vision, am able to read, and do woodwork. I ride horses, travel and enjoy sex. I am able to drive, and I remember to take my pills. I am not using a cane, crutches, walker or wheel chair. On my last physical, Doctor Jim was very happy with me. My blood pressure was real good, and all my lab work was in the normal range including cholesterol. So I thought that was pretty good, considering that my father, 3 brothers, and all of my uncles except one, never lived passed 70. So, “the shape I am in”, is very good, and probably better than any other of my 77 year old friends, and certainly better than those who have already checked out.

After a little more thinking, I realized that I have been cheating a little bit. “The state I am in” is not altogether natural, considering that I have to use glasses to have 20/20 vision. I have had to have about 20 root canals and crowns, plus one partial bridge, to chew in a normal fashion. I have had a knee replacement, and must wear an ankle brace and a specially built shoe, to walk without a limp. I have had to have my tonsils and appendix taken out. I have to stick some high-tech machine into my ears, to be able to hear just a little bit. I have to put a mask on when I sleep, a breathing machine, so that I can get enough oxygen while I am sleeping. Occasionally, I get an injection in my lower Lombard for spinal stenosis, to be able to walk, and I have to do daily back exercises to keep my spinal stenosis in line.

Plus, I take two kinds of pills to control blood pressure, one to control narcolepsy, one to discourage diabetes, one to help my prostate, one to help me urinate, an aspirin to prevent heart attacks, another pill to keep cholesterol down, and two to stop leg cramps. There is also one that I have forgotten what it is for, one to put the squelch on lip sores, one to keep the vitamin people in business, 5 drops of fluid in my right ear to keep down infection ,(3 times a day) and one pill to direct traffic for all the above pills.

I have a general practice doctor just to keep track of everything. I have a knee and ankle doctor, I have an urologist, to let me know if I get cancer in my enlarged prostate. I

I have a neurologist. I have an eye doctor. I have an ear doctor. I have a sleep doctor, and I have a tooth doctor. And then I have a middle toe and thumb doc. It has been a while since I have seen my gynecologists, the big event of every day is going to a doctor; especially on Wednesday, when we go to town for prayer meeting. I have had 3 doctor’s appointments in one day. The truth is, I don’t care if I ever go to a doctor again! Thank God for doctors who are “practicing”.

Betty has occasionally said that I was born too late, that I should have been a pioneer. I agree that I would have made a good pioneer. I like hunting and camping and being outdoors, I have a knack of being able to get things done with tools I have. But thinking what the situation would be like, if I was born three hundred years ago, I am pretty sure that I am glad I was born Oct. 1932, instead of Oct. 1632.

For one thing, I never did like out-houses. Even thought I really like living in the country where the whole world is your uneral. And health- wise, I would have suffered the negative effects of whatever happens if you don’t take your tonsils out. I would have probably died in 1960, when my appendix burst. I would have had trouble seeing, since I have worn glasses since I was 10 years old. I would have had trouble eating, and probably would not have any teeth, and perhaps would have starved to death. By the time I was 65 I would have been using a cane, crutches or a walker, (if they had them), because of arthritis in my knee and ankle. By the age of 75, I would have been bed-ridden, because of spinal stenosis. I have had hearing aids since 1989, and would have been deaf by now, almost am, anyway. I probably would be dead, from high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I probably would be dead from a stroke or a heart attack, because of plaque in the arteries. I would have had constant fatigue from Narcolepsey, and without a sleep mask. On the other hand my diet would have been much healthier and I might not have had a lot of those ailments.

The reason I have written this, is not for an “organ recital” but to thank God for his help with my health, for good doctors who are still “practicing even though you would think that that would finally get good enough to start working and quit practicing, also for pharmaceutical companies who have researched and made pills. And I am especially thankful for 77 years of life in the 20^th and 21^st century and in being “in the shape I am in” real or propped up with the above, which I have enjoyed abundantly because of God’s forgiveness and intercession in my life, for the fellowship with Him, and the assurance of life everlasting. Also for a great heritage and family and wonderful friends.

L. Dale Horton,

Retired Minister, active woodworker, horseman, reader and adventurer.